The Dilemmas Series
by Ianto'sCoffeeMinion
Summary: IM's. Set after Gwen's wedding. Jack and Ianto have relationship issues and its up to Tosh to sort them out! Later chapters Jack and Ianto discuss Pet Names and UNIT Authors Ramblings: I hated the looks that Jack gave Ianto during 'The Dance' they shared at Gwen's wedding so thats mentioned. JANTO! Ianto/Tosh Friendship and hints at Towen! Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**TechyTosh **_is online._

**CoffeeKingJones **_is online._

**TechyTosh: **Heya, have you got that file on the Nostrovite fished yet? I was gunna input the data into the species database, if that's alright with you? :)

**CoffeeKingJones: **Yeah, sure! Its fiiiine! I'll email it to you in a bit, just re-reading it :)

**TechyTosh: **Ahw I doesn't have to be perfect :) I just wanna copy and paste some bits :)

**CoffeeKingJones: **You know me Tosh, perfection is my middle name! I wouldn't dream of giving it to you without it being at an acceptable standard! :)

**TechyTosh: **Yeah, I guess your right! :) If only Jack did the same…

**CoffeeKingJones: **Huh! If only Jack DID his paperwork for a change, then we can go on about his spelling and illegible handwriting!

**TechyTosh: **Come to think of it I don't think I've ever seen the Harkness scrawl…

**CoffeeKingJones: **You don't wanna! Believe me! It's like a code!

**TechyTosh: **I like codes :)

**CoffeeKingJones: **You wouldn't like this one; you'd have to strain your eyes to decipher it!

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Heeeeeey! That's not fair! Slagging off my handwriting! I thought you loved me!

**TechyTosh: **Er, hey Jack!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Oh, I do love you, im just not a fan of your handwriting is all…if you can call it that! AHAHAHAHAHA! ;D

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Your evil :(

**CoffeeKingJones:** Yeaahhhh but you love it ;)

**TechyTosh: **Annnnnd that's my que to leave…well sign out.

**CoffeeKingJones: **NOOOOO! Tosh! Don't go! Jack was going…weren't you Jack?

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **What¬! I've only just got here!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Yup, you've had your fun and now you can go :)

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Your no fun!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Who says I was?

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **You better make it up to me!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Don't I always ;)

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **True :) Ok, I'm gunna get back to staring at some forms for about an hour! Hope my absence don't cause too much of a kerfuffle! Byeeeeeeeeeee!

**TechyTosh: **Did u just use the word 'Kerfuffle'?

**CoffeeKingJones: **I do believe he did Tosh, but take my word for it, he wont be using it again…will you Jack?

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **What is it with you today? You're being all bossy to me! I thought I was the boss!

**TechyTosh: **You are.

**CoffeeKingJones: **Maybe you are for Torchwood, but I'll think you'll find I'm the boss in our relationship ;) and that's the way you like it, so no complaining Mr!

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Yes sir!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Hehe! Now go and do whatever it is you do and I'll meet you later :)

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **WAIT! What if I need you before then?

**CoffeeKingJones: **If its work related I'll be on here or on the Coms, if not it'll have to wait till tonight, I've got some urgent filling to do and STACKS of incomplete paperwork thanks to someone…

**TechyTosh: **You too are like an old married couple! Aha!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Yeah, and he's the old one!

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **At least I look good for my age…unlike some…

**CoffeeKingJones: **Well you certainly weren't complaining last night? 'Sides its probably all the stress you put me through dying every 5 minutes, and not doing paperwork! Which is a vital component of the job you know!

**TechyTosh: **Too much info…I am still here you know?

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Sorry Yanny ;) You've got a great body! 

**CoffeeKingJones: **JACK! Stop fantasising and get some work done! Oh and Tosh I know love, sorry :) He brings out the worst in me!

**TechyTosh: **S'ok! :)

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **For the record, I don't need to fantasise when I have the real thing inches from me…just saying…

**CoffeeKingJones: **Well you're not getting anywhere near 'The Real Thing' till tonight, I have work to do and DON'T need any distractions, even those ones!

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Might I say you're looking ravishing in that suit today Mr. Jones….It hugs you in all the right places ;)

**CoffeeKingJones: **Oh gawd, here we go! It's the suit I was wearing to Gwen's wedding! I had to make an effort! And Tosh, you looked beautiful…sorry I didn't say it earlier, I had to make sure Captain Clash looked presentable.

**TechyTosh: **Ahwww thanks Yan! You looked great too! Very sharp in that suit! I swear someone mistook you for the groom!

**CoffeeKingJones: **They did…but we won't go into that! Married to Gwen…no thank you!

**JackTheSexBombHarkness:** Heeey! She aint that bad!

**TechyTosh: **No gunna say a word.

**CoffeeKingJones: **Just 'cos you got a crush on her.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Have not!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Have to!

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **I think you'll find it's the other way around, and shes married now so :PPPPPPPPPPPPP!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Like that'll stop you!

**TechyTosh: **GUYS! Can you have your little domestic whilst I'm offline!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Sorry Tosh, I'm just a little exhausted is all. Being a wedding Fairy takes a lot of work, although Jack wouldn't know that because he was sitting at a table with his feet up inspecting my arse for most of it!

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **It's your fault your ass is so distracting!

**CoffeeKingJones: **How is that my fault in the slightest?

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Dunno, just is.

**CoffeeKingJones: **Because that makes sense!

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Whatever, ill c ya later, work to do and all that jazz! Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

**TechyTosh: **Bye Jack!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Bye Grumpy!

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **I think someone is in need of a spanking!

**CoffeeKingJones: **And I think someone is erratically horny and needs to take a cold shower!

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Maybe I will! Care to join me?

**TechyTosh: **Ewww guys!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Nope. Busy, busy, busy.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Ok :( Sure u won't change ur mind?

**CoffeeKingJones: **Pretty sure :) Cya!

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Ur loss!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Meh!

**JackTheSexBombHarkness **_is offline._

**TechyTosh: **Soooo what was that about?

**CoffeeKingJones: **What?

**TechyTosh: **You giving Jack the cold shoulder?

**CoffeeKingJones: **Don't worry about it Tosh, It's silly really.

**TechyTosh: **Naw, Come on, tell me, nothings silly.

**CoffeeKingJones: **It's just Jack being Jack I suppose.

**TechyTosh: **How so?

**CoffeeKingJones: **You know just flirting around n that.

**TechyTosh: **With anyone in particular?

**CoffeeKingJones: **Gwen.

**TechyTosh: **Ahhhhh.

**CoffeeKingJones: **'Ah'?

**TechyTosh: **I don't know Ianto, he's being a complete Twat if you ask me! People would kill to go with someone like you! Your kind, good looking, intelligent and you'll do anything for anyone, he should be worshipping you…sorry but it had to be said.

**CoffeeKingJones: **I agree, although I don't think I'm all of those things, thanks for the compliments! Aha! I wouldn't be able to list all of your positive attributes, so I'm not going to try, there's too many!

**TechyTosh: **Ahww Ianto! If you dump Jack, just know I'm always free! Aha!

**CoffeeKingJones: **I'm sure u'd be a better partner than him!

**TechyTosh: **So is it just the flirting between them in particular orrrrrr?

**CoffeeKingJones: **Did you see them today? At what was supposed to be Gwen's wedding?

**TechyTosh: **You mean, the dance?

**CoffeeKingJones: **So it's not just me then?

**TechyTosh: **Nope. I didn't wanna say anything, just encase…but now you've mentioned it…

**CoffeeKingJones: **I just, I dunno Tosh, I'm tired of him messing around with her. She's married for gods sake! And he is in a relationship! I just-eurgh its frustrating! I know that's who he is…mr . flirtatious but you'd think he'd tone it down around me, and at her wedding! I looked like a complete fool today! I had to cough twice to get him to notice I was standing there…he was looking at her…oh Tosh, what am I gunna do?

**TechyTosh: **Ahwww Ianto, I wish I had the answers, but I don't. I have no idea, I feel like slapping him sometimes, but I can see you love him sooo much and he loves you too! Even if he doesn't show it! The thing with Gwen will be over now, she's married and if it continues I think you need to bring it up with him, he needs to know how much its hurting u.

**CoffeeKingJones: **Mmm, I suppose. I just, it hurts you know, a moment like that. It took LOADS of courage to go up and dance with him in front of everyone like that and he just chucked it in my face. The whole dance her was looking at Her. And it hurt.

**TechyTosh: **I know Ianto, I know. I think you need to talk to him about it.

**CoffeeKingJones: **But I don't know how he'll take it, I know he'll either laugh in my face or say if I don't like it, I know where I can stick it.

**TechyTosh: **I don't think he'll be that harsh Yan. He needs to know, otherwise it's just gunna eat you up inside and you'll flip out for no reason and he'll be left clueless.

**CoffeeKingJones: ** Good.

**TechyTosh: **Ianto you don't mean that. I know you, your feel so guilty afterwards.

**CoffeeKingJones: **How am I meant to bring it up?

**TechyTosh: **Tonight, sit him down and ask him.

**CoffeeKingJones: **Mmm, I guess. Thanks Tosh, I'm sorry to dump this on you like this :) I really appreciate it :)

**TechyTosh: **It's finnnnne! Really!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Thanks, if you ever need anything, I'm right here :)

**TechyTosh: **I know, I know :)

**CoffeeKingJones: **Sooooooo changing the subject! I saw you and Owen dancing!

**TechyTosh: **I know! I couldn't quite believe it myself! It was just perfect!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Ahwww I'm glad!

**TechyTosh: **Thanks! We saw you walk up to Jack, Owen was sniggering as usual, but then he got all protective of you and 'I hope he treats Tea-Boy right' were he's exact words…I think he's warming to you after how many years? Aha! But rest assured he didn't see the looks, he was too far away, and mucking around in the kitchen, you know putting tea granules in the coffee pot, he thought it was funny.

**CoffeeKingJones: **Sounds like Owen! Aha! And I'm glad I've got him on my side! I've heard he gives one hell of a right hook!

**TechyTosh: **Don't tell him I told you though!

**CoffeeKingJones: **I wont! :)

**TechyTosh: **Well I better go, I've gotta update the species database before I finish up here, not that Jack would check, but still. :)

**CoffeeKingJones: **I'll send you the document now :)

**TechyTosh: **Ok! Thankssss! Byeeee :) Hope it all goes well with Jack!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Thanks Tosh! And thanks for listening!Byeee:)

**TechyTosh: **Don't forget! I'm single!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Not for long! Something tells me Owen will realise what he's missing out on and jump at the chance! I mean, dayum you can dance!

**TechyTosh: **Ahww! You're too nice! And I wish! Bye :)

**CoffeeKingJones: **Bye :)

**TechyTosh** and **CoffeeKingJones** are offline.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness:** Shit.


	2. Chapter 2

**JackTheSexBombHarkness **is _online_.

**TechyTosh **is _online_.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Hi, Tosh.

**TechyTosh: **Hey Jack! Anything I can help you with?

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Well I was just wondering if you knew what was up with Ianto?

**TechyTosh: **Why? What's happened?

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Well he didn't stay last night, he left a note saying he had to go home to do something but it was pretty vague for Ianto.

**TechyTosh: **Oh, that doesn't sound like him at all. He normally writes a whole essay!

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **I know, that's why I'm a bit worried. Then he was, I dunno, evasive? When we talked last, on here. Did u notice that?

**TechyTosh: **Yeah, I think you should talk to Ianto about this Jack. I don't think I'm the best person to ask.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **But you're his best friend! You must know what's up with him, he must have told you something!

**TechyTosh: **Look Jack, I want you and Ianto to work things out, I really do, but I don't think me telling you the reason is going to do any good. 'Sides I don't want to be put on decaf! Just ask Ianto.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **So you do know what it is then?

**TechyTosh: **Yes, but I've been sworn to secrecy. He's my friend Jack, surely you can understand?

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **I know, Tosh, I know, but I just wanna help him out, and I can't do that unless I know what the problem is!

**TechyTosh: **I want you to resolve things too but I can't just tell you outright what you've done because Ianto would want you to figure it out yourself. To be honest Jack, it's pretty obvious.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Oh, so it's something I've done then?

**TechyTosh: **Yes. That's all I'm saying.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Oh, come onnnnnn Tosh. Please?

**TechyTosh: **I can't. I'm sorry.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Pretty please? With a cherry on top!

**TechyTosh: **Right, now I feel bad!

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **You should! How am I meant to work things out when I have nothing to go on! Please Tosh just tell me! I need to know! I don't want him to be upset! I hate seeing him upset, and now I know it's something I've done its gunna bug me all the more.

**TechyTosh: **But if I tell you then how will I know what you say to Ianto is sincere and not made up, because let's face it you're going to have a fair amount of time to come up with an excuse. Sorry Jack, but he's my friend, I don't want him hurt.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Yeah, and he's my partner and I love him. Nothing will be more sincere.

**TechyTosh: **Coulda fooled me.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Excuse me?

**TechyTosh: **Sorry Jack. It's just…it doesn't look that way from where I'm sitting.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Look. I know I don't do public displays of affection, and I'm maybe not a prime example for boyfriend of the year, but I love him, my feelings for him are genuine, you've gotta believe me.

**TechyTosh: **I do believe you Jack, but have you tried telling Ianto that?

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **It's harder to tell him…its complicated.

**TechyTosh: **Then un-complicate it!

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Its not that easy!

**TechyTosh: **Just come out and say it, as soon as he knows the sooner the two of you can start to work things out.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **I dunno Tosh, I just…what if he doesn't believe me?

**TechyTosh: **Then make him believe you! It's worth a try Jack.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **You know, your acting very out of character, have I done something wrong to you as well?

**TechyTosh: **No Jack, I'm just siding with Ianto on this one, he's been through a lot, and your not exactly making it easy for him.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Ok, I understand.

**TechyTosh: **Oh to hell with it. Its Gwen! You and Gwen! That's what's bugging him! He thinks you love Gwen and that your just using him.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **There is nothing going on between me and Gwen.

**TechyTosh: **Try telling him that.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Has he said anything else?

**TechyTosh: **Nope just about the dance at the wedding, how it was like you were ignoring him and focusing on Gwen, and how much courage it took him to dance with you in front of everyone. You know he finds it hard with PDA and it really hurt him to be humiliated like that.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness:** Oh.

**TechyTosh: **Oh indeed. Jack, you need to figure out who you want. Ianto or Gwen. You can't have both. Gwen's married now so if you do choose Ianto your gunna have to give him one hell of a reason.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **I suppose. Thanks Tosh, I know it was hard for you to tell me cos of the whole friendship thing, but I needed to know. You know how ignorant I can be sometimes…I miss things, important things.

**TechyTosh: **Good luck!

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Thanks :)

**TechyTosh: **Just giving you prior notice. If you break his heart, or hurt him in anyway, I will not speak to you ever again.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Seems fair. Ok Tosh, thanks, I better go and work on my grovelling!

**TechyTosh: **Yup! Ur gunna need it!

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Thanks for the vote of confidence!

**TechyTosh: **Ahaha! Your welcome! Bye :)

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Bye :)

**JackTheSexBombHarkness **is _offline_.

*******TWD********

_**5 minutes later…**_

*******TWD********

**TechyTosh: **Ianto?

**CoffeeKingJones: **Yeah?

**TechyTosh: **I've done something really stupid, I'm SO sorry.

**CoffeeKingJones: **What?

**TechyTosh: **I didn't mean to, it's just he kept going on and then said he loved you and I just wanted you to work things out.

**CoffeeKingJones: **Tosh, no offence, but your making NO sense.

**TechyTosh: **Jack, I told Jack about why you gave him the cold shoulder. I'm sorry. He kept on and on, and I didn't wanna tell him, but I thought If I did hed work things out with you and you wouldn't be upset anymore. When he said he loved you I had to tell him.

**CoffeeKingJones: **Wait, he said he loves me?

**TechyTosh: **Selective reading or what…

**CoffeeKingJones: **Sorry Tosh, its just, I didn't think he did, you know?

**TechyTosh: **I know, he doesn't express himself very well, but what can you say he's a man!

**CoffeeKingJones: **What's that supposed to mean? I'm a man too you know? Encase you forgot.

**TechyTosh: **Sorry, I know you're a man! How could I forget silly! I'm just saying, men find it harder to admit their feelings than women.

**CoffeeKingJones: **So your saying I'm a woman?

**TechyTosh: **No, I didn't mean that I meant…Oh I see what you did there…nice try!

**CoffeeKingJones: **What can I say? You're gullible!

**TechyTosh: **We were having a serious conversation!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Mowhahahahaha!

**TechyTosh: **Sooo does this mean I'm forgiven?

**CoffeeKingJones:** Yes, Tosh. How could I stay mad at you :)

**TechyTosh: **If it makes you feel any better I gave him the third degree!

**CoffeeKingJones: **And threatened him I bet!

**TechyTosh: **How did you know?

**CoffeeKingJones: **I know everything, remember?

**TechyTosh: **How could I forget! We should really come up with a nickname for you…

**CoffeeKingJones: **I thought I already had one…you know 'CoffeeKing'!

**TechyTosh: **No, you made that up when you started that cult! Which you bribed me with chocolate to join by-the-way! And I still haven't got any :(

**CoffeeKingJones: **Sorry, Mfanway ate it…

**TechyTosh: **You can't blame it on her! Poor Mfanway!

**CoffeeKingJones: **She'll live…

**TechyTosh: **Pure evil!

**CoffeeKingJones: **What can I say! Mowhahahahaha! - that's my evil laugh if you didn't know ;D

**CoffeeKingJones: **Mmm, so, anyway, what did you have in mind? Nickname wise :)

**TechyTosh: **Ermmmmmm, Mr . Know-It-All?

**CoffeeKingJones: **That's a Kelly Clarkson song!

**TechyTosh: **Sometimes Ianto, you scare me…

**CoffeeKingJones: **What? I thought everyone knew that!

**TechyTosh: **On your own…

**CoffeeKingJones: **Are you hinting at something there Toshiko?

**TechyTosh: **Oooh you really must be angry at me! You used my full name!

**CoffeeKingJones: **I think someone is trying to copy me in my Know-It-All-ness and FAILED!

**TechyTosh: **'fraid not Mr.

**CoffeeKingJones: **Is there any reason why your suddently taking on the dialect of Owen? Orrrrrr?

**TechyTosh: **I was trying to be John Wayne, but I guess I failed…

**CoffeeKingJones: **Yup! Epically!

**TechyTosh: **Ahahahah! Okaaay! Moving on…nicknames…

**CoffeeKingJones: **Thought of anymore?

**TechyTosh: **Toilet-Seat?

**CoffeeKingJones: **Ok, just so you know…if I was drinking a drink, most probably coffee, I would have spat it out at this point in a very unprofessional manner, and it would have gone all over the computer and killed it!

**TechyTosh: **Good to know! Although you can't really kill a computer, its an inanimate object!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Well I could, cos I'm COFEEE KING JONES!

**TechyTosh: **You're not batman…

**CoffeeKingJones: **No I'm The Joker! He's waaaaaaaaaaaaay cooler! And he's hilarious!

**TechyTosh: **We've gotta watch that together one time! We will laugh all the way through it!

**CoffeeKingJones: **I'll just give you a little warning…I tend to skip it till I see the joker!

**TechyTosh: **Don't we all! Unless we see Batman in that tight leather costume…then we might need to think twice!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Mmm, he has got a nice arse ;)

**TechyTosh: **Says you!

**CoffeeKingJones: **What do you mean?

**TechyTosh: **You have an amazing arse! Were all jealous!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Hold on! Have you been discussing my arse behind my back with the others?

**TechyTosh: **Whoops!

**CoffeeKingJones: **I'm freaked out…

**TechyTosh: **You shouldn't be! We were just saying how perfectly formed it was (Jack's words not mine!) Gwen agreed and said that Jack was one lucky man and then Jack finished it off with some innuendo.

**CoffeeKingJones: **Sounds like Jack!

**TechyTosh: **Yup! …Are you blushing?

**CoffeeKingJones: **How can you tell?

**TechyTosh: **Just a wild guess!

**CoffeeKingJones: **I suppose I should hand my Know-It-All crown over to you now…

**TechyTosh: **No one said anything about a crown! If they did I would have tried LONNNNNNG ago! Ahahah! :)

**CoffeeKingJones: **Well… In my best *Posh Voice* "I dub the, Toshiko Sato, Queen Know-It-All" Happy?

**TechyTosh: **Exstatic!

**CoffeeKingJones: **I think I've come up with a good nick name for you!

**TechyTosh: **Oooh now I'm intrigued!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Sparky!

**TechyTosh: **You're not serious?

**CoffeeKingJones: **I think it has a ring to it! You're a whizz with computers and computer wires can make sparks cos their electrical…so sparky!

**TechyTosh: **Ive just searched 'Sparky' and the first thing that came up was a dog!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Did you know there was a former Welsh international football player and manager nicknamed 'Sparky'!

**TechyTosh: **It amazes me how you know these things!

**CoffeeKingJones: **I aim to amaze!

**TechyTosh: **I don't have any choice in this do i?

**CoffeeKingJones: **Nope! Unless you call me Coffee King for the rest of the year then I may come up with a different name! aha!

**TechyTosh: **Joyyyy!

**CoffeeKingJones: **So am I still Mr .Know-It-All or have you changed your mind?

**TechyTosh: **Your nickname will be….dun dun dunnnnnnn YANNY!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Oh god, who told you? Was it Jack?

**TechyTosh: **Nope. I saw him call you it on our last conversation and thought it was cuteeeeeee!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Does that mean I can call you Tosshhhhhyyyyy!

**TechyTosh: **Ok, ok. I'll let you call me Toshy if I can call you Yanny?

**CoffeeKingJones**: Yup! Were too cute!

**TechyTosh: ***Virtual High Five*

**CoffeeKingJones: ***Virtual High Five back*

**TechyTosh: **Was that a little too geeky?

**CoffeeKingJones: **Nooooo! Nothings too geeky around me! Have you seen my Colour Coded, Alphabetised archives?

**TechyTosh: **Nope. Wouldn't dream of going down there encase I knocked something over and it all went down like a domino!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Was that a reference to the Jessie J song of the same name?

**TechyTosh: **No, but I love that song!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Me too!

**TechyTosh: **You'd be very hand in a pub quiz!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Maybe we should go sometime! Depending on what the prize is and if there's anyone around I want to annoy! Mowhahaha!

**TechyTosh: **As they say, you don't get something for nothing!

**CoffeeKingJones: **True! Although, I wouldn't mind going to the pub with you every once in a while! It'll get me out of the hub and I can have some 'me time' for a change!

**TechyTosh: **I swear you're with Jack 24/7

**CoffeeKingJones: **It sure as hell feels like it!

**TechyTosh: **It's a date then! (A friendly one of course! Don't go getting any ideas you!)

**CoffeeKingJones: **As if I would!

**TechyTosh: ***Coughs*

**CoffeeKingJones: **Cheeky!

**TechyTosh: **So now I'm a monkey! Make your mind up Ianto, first I'm a dog, then a monkey!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Mmm, If I likened you as an animal it probably would be a flamingo or a giraffe!

**TechyTosh: **Why are we having this conversation again?

**CoffeeKingJones: **I have no idea!

**TechyTosh: **Ok then, I'm gunna go before you turn me into a sheep or something…

**CoffeeKingJones: **Was that a dig because I'm Welsh?

**TechyTosh: **I wouldn't dream of it…although…Jack-Shagger sounds better!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Hey! I don't just shag Jack you know, we do engage in a variety of different games to indulge our libido!

**TechyTosh: **I don't want to know…

**CoffeeKingJones: **Naked hide-and-seek is all I am saying…

**TechyTosh: **Ill have to get the details on that some other time, it looks like Jack's heading your way! Good luck!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Oh, shitttttttt!

**TechyTosh: **You'll be finnnnne!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Can't you fake a rift alert or something? PLEASE! I'll make it up to you with lots and lots of chocolate!

**TechyTosh: **Now where have I heard that before?

**CoffeeKingJones: **BUT THIS TIME I MEAN IT!

**TechyTosh: **Go on, go and TALK to Jack! Don't let him have his way with you until you have TALKED! You need to sort it out, and contrary to some peoples belief, sex doesn't always solve everything!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Angry-Sex does…

**TechyTosh: **And on that note, I'm going! Byeeeee! Good Luck!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Huh…I guess I'll have to go too then, seeing as you won't help me out of this tight spot!

**TechyTosh: **Ok regardless of the fact that, that comment was very bad innuendo or not, you need to sort things out! Now go and put on your best angry face!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Better not, I think he likes it too much!

**TechyTosh: **Okkkayyy! I'm going for real this time! Byeeee!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Bye Toshhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiii!

**TechyTosh: **Bye Yannnnnnnnnnnnnnny!

**TechyTosh **is offline.

**CoffeeKingJones **is offline.


	3. Chapter 3

**CoffeeKingJones **Is _online._

**TechyTosh **is _online._

**CoffeeKingJones: **Tosh, I've screwed up! Ruined it! He's gunna dump me for sure…that's if we were 'together' in the first place…

**TechyTosh: **Ianto! Calm down…

**CoffeeKingJones: **Ok, ok.

**TechyTosh: **Calm?

**CoffeeKingJones: **Yes!

**TechyTosh: **Liar.

**CoffeeKingJones: **Tosh…please!

**TechyTosh: **Ianto there's no point us having a conversation if you don't calm the fuck down!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Wow. I've never heard you swear before, let alone type profanities.

**TechyTosh: **Well, now's the time! Now tell me what's happened, and not in cryptic this time!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Jack, he…he told me he loves me…

**TechyTosh: **Ahwww Ianto! Finally!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Don't get too excited. I screwed it up!

**TechyTosh: **How so?

**CoffeeKingJones: **Well, you know those conversations in your head that you prepare for and in reality it goes nothing like that at all?

**TechyTosh: **Yes…

**CoffeeKingJones: **Well, you told me Jack told you he loves me, so I mentally prepared myself for it to arise, but when It did I just stood there! I didn't say ANYTHING! He must hate me!

**TechyTosh: **No one in their right mind could hate you Ianto.

**CoffeeKingJones: **He must do, he just left without a word. I hurt him.

**TechyTosh: **It took a lot for him to admit that to you, obviously he was hurt, but it was he's own fault. I wasn't there but I know Jack, he's impatient. He didn't give you enough time to take it in. Saying you love someone is a big thing. Especially is your name is Captain Jack Harkness.

**CoffeeKingJones: **Now I feel so bad. I love him too Tosh. Will all my heart. I just couldn't speak. I knew it was coming but when he said it, it just made it…I dunno…more real, and I was more shocked than I should have been. I've ruined everything!

**TechyTosh: **Oh Ianto, stop being so dramatic! You are both adults, stupid ones at that! You'll work it out. I know you will. Stop fretting.

**CoffeeKingJones: **But…

**TechyTosh: **But nothing. You go and find Captain Inpatient; whose probably on a roof thinking for what you've told me, and you tell him from me that he is to shut up and listen to every single word you say.

**CoffeeKingJones: **You think he'll wanna talk to me? After everything?

**TechyTosh: **Of course he does! He loves you!

**CoffeeKingJones: **I suppose. I'm sorry to keep running to you with these things Tosh, but your my best friend, and you always know what to say, you make me feel better. Thank you, I don't know how I will ever repay you.

**TechyTosh:** Think about you impending debt to me later, now go sort out your Captain!

**CoffeeKingJones: **I dunno if I can face him…

**TechyTosh: **Yes you can Ianto. Come on! Or ill let Owen loose on your coffee machine again! You don't want that now do you?

**CoffeeKingJones: **God, no! Did you see how much mess he made! And I swear there's a scratch on the metal from his badges on that bloody lab coat! Why was he even wearing them to make coffee anyway, there must be all sorts of bacteria on that thing! Ewwww.

**TechyTosh: **Owen's not the brightest of people, and stop stalling! Go on, go and face the music, or in your case, Captain Complicated.

**CoffeeKingJones: **I can't believe I laughed at that! I'm supposed to be wallowing in self-pity!

**TechyTosh: **What can I say?...you wallow in self-pity enough for you and Jack put together!

**CoffeeKingJones: **It's his fault!

**TechyTosh: **Of course it is! Now go before I re-arrange all the leaflets in your tourist office!

**CoffeeKingJones: **You wouldn't…

**TechyTosh: **Oh, I would! Don't underestimate me Mr. Jones!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Ok, I'm going! I'm Going!

**TechyTosh: **Good!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Bye :)

**TechyTosh: **Bye :)

**CoffeeKingJones: **-X-

**TechyTosh: **Go!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Ok!

**TechyTosh: **Love you Yanny!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Love you Toshiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

**CoffeeKingJones **is _offline._

_*****TWD******_

_(Sent from Computer System to Portable Device) _

**TechyTosh: **Jack, Ianto is on his way up. Now listen to me. LISTEN to what he has to say! He feels bad for not saying anything; he was just shocked is all! He loves you! Now stop projecting your sorrows on the world and work things out with Ianto!

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **What's the point?

**TechyTosh: **Jack Harkness! Don't make out like you don't give a shit! 'Cos we all know that's a lie. You love Ianto and Ianto loves you. Now for the love of all things coffee-related PLEASE work it out with him!

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **I don't know what to say…

**TechyTosh: **You don't need to say anything! Just listen to what he has to say, and don't interject! You know he hates it when people do that.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Huh! I know that fact all to well!

**TechyTosh: **There we go then! I'm getting back to decoding that Lambert Device we scavenged, I'll give you all the details once you've sorted things, take as long as you like, the rifts quiet.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Thanks Tosh. What would we do without you?

**TechyTosh: **You'd probably have killed each other by now and The Hub would be a battle ground. Just giving you prior notice, I'm not assigning ribbons to 'Ianto-Firendly' or 'Jack-Friedly' areas!

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Don't think you'll need to go that far, Ianto's on his way and he looks guilty, guess I should have given him time…

**TechyTosh: **Don't tell me! Tell him! Now bye Jack :)

**JackTheSexBombHarkness: **Bye Tosh :)

**TechyTosh **is _offline_.

**JackTheSexBombHarkness **is _offline_.


	4. Chapter 4

**JackTheSexBombHarkness **is _online._

**JackTheSexBombHarkness **has changed their display name.

**CaptainJackAttack **is _online._

**CoffeeKingJones **is _online._

**TechyTosh **is _online._

**CoffeeKingJones: **Hiiiiii Tosh! :)

**CaptainJackAttack: **Heya Tosh!

**TechyTosh: **Hi Guys! I take it you've made up then?

**CaptainJackAttack: **Oh yeah, we had 3 hours of kissing and making up…mmm

**CoffeeKingJones: **Jack!

**CaptainJackAttack: **What?

**CoffeeKingJones: **It was 4 hours 18 minues and 29 seconds actually…

**CaptainJackAttack: **Always at the ready!

**CoffeeKingJones: **I do believe I've said that once or twice now, to think people such as yourselves even thought I would not have the stopwatch at the ready!...seriously!

**TechyTosh: **Spare me the details…

**CaptainJackAttack: **Oh Ianto will, but I don't think I can contain it! Let's just say he's very fond of that Stopwatch…

**CoffeeKingJones: **It's the button on the top…

**TechyTosh: **So you've told me…and Owen…and Gwen, and I'm quite sure you've told Jack too!

**CaptainJackAttack: **He has ;)

**CoffeeKingJones: **What can I say? I love my little stopwatch!

**TechyTosh: **That's exactly what Captain John said, apart from it being about his wrist strap…should I be worried that Ianto's quoting him?

**CaptainJackAttack: **Nope. Not from where I'm sitting. Which is right by Ianto side if you didn't know ;) He's got his frowning face on…that can only mean one thing….

**CoffeeKingJones:** Moving on…

**TechyTosh: **So let me get this right, you two are sitting right beside each other on two computers in the exact same conversation?

**CaptainJackAttack: **Yes.

**CoffeeKingJones: **Uhu!

**TechyTosh: **Why not just share a computer and combine your display name? It'll save electricity and it would be a lot more practical.

**CaptainJackAttack: **Meh…

**CoffeeKingJones: **Jack's already brought thatup, and I said no. I mean us with a joint account? Firstly we'd never agree on a display name, then you wouldn't know who was talking and we'd fight over the keyboard, and that's just the start! Ahaha!

**TechyTosh: **I guess so, but I'm sure I could tell your 'type speak' apart from each other, but I get where you're coming from Ianto!

**CaptainJackAttack: **Isn't anyone gunna side with me?

**CoffeeKingJones: **Nope. 'Cos I know what the first thing you'd do was start messing around and blame me for it! Ill savour myself the embarrassment thank you very much!

**CaptainJackAttack: **Spolisport!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Mowhaha!

**TechyTosh: **So now you two are back together, could Ianto come down and make some coffee, Owen's practically cranky!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Isn't he always?

**CaptainJackAttack: **Ianto! You surprise me!

**CoffeeKingJones: **What? He always calls me 'Tea-Boy' even though I make COFFEE so if that's not cranky I don't know what is!

**CaptainJackAttack: **Ah, so basically insult Ianto's coffee and that it, he holds a grudge for the rest of your life.

**TechyTosh: **I thought you would have found that out by now Jack! Although its pretty hard to insult Ianto or his coffee, they're both perfect!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Ahwww thanks Tosh!

**CaptainJackAttack: **She's only saying that because she's your friend. *Coughs* Favouritism.

**CoffeeKingJones: **Excuse me! You're the only one with favouritism problems around here!

**TechyTosh: **Oh, so that's why Jack gets an extra biscuit?

**CaptainJackAttack: **That was one time! And Martha was only around for a couple of days, surely she shouldn't have to fill one of those forms out! She's got enough to deal with!

Oh, and I wasn't aware that I got an extra biscuit! In that case…thanks Yanny!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Tosh, he doesn't get an extra biscuit! It's my biscuit that I put on his plate and eat whilst I'm in his office because strange as it sounds Jack likes watching me eat, and always hands me one of his biscuits anyway, so that way he doesn't miss out. Oh and if I didn't put it on his plate and carry it up the stairs the crumbs would go everywhere!

**TechyTosh: **Okaaaaaay! That's the last time I confront Ianto…*runs away and hides*

**CaptainJackAttack: **I guess Ianto's argument is pretty practical…

**CoffeeKingJones: **Thank you Jack.

**CaptainJackAttack: **But then again, why do you give me chocolate biscuits when you know I like chocolate fingers?

**CoffeeKingJones: **That is because you eat them in the most obscene fashion, and it's in the best interests of my wellbeing if you refrain from doing it when I'm around.

**TechyTosh:**I wonder why that is! Ahahahah!

**CaptainJackAttack: **Yeah Ianto, why is that?

**CoffeeKingJones: **Unless you want me to jump at you the second your backs turned…

**TechyTosh: **TMI!

**CaptainJackAttack: **And you think I wouldn't want you to do that because?

**CoffeeKingJones: **Oh, I know you would, but it doesn't do anything for my professionalism.

**TechyTosh: **Ianto, always the professional... Sometimes I even think he's more professional than you Jack, and you're the boss!

**CaptainJackAttack: **WHAT!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Oh, I agree with you there :)

**TechyTosh: **Hehe!

**CaptainJackAttack: **Sooooo Tosh, me and Ianto were wondering if you and Owen could hold the fort so we could spend more time 'Dabbling' (Ianto's word not mine)

**CoffeeKingJones: **JACK!

**CaptainJackAttack: **What?

**CoffeeKingJones: **Ever heard of a thing called subtlety?

**TechyTosh: **Clearly not, but I'm sure me and Owen could watch the rift for a couple of hours, its been quite quiet today :)

**CoffeeKingJones: **Thanks Tosh! Jack, thank Tosh.

**CaptainJackAttack: **Alright! I was going to…Thanks Tosh! I'll get Ianto to give you an extra biscuit!

**TechyTosh:** That's defiantly sold it to me! An extra biscuit! Why do they always taste better when Ianto gives them to us?

**CaptainJackAttack: **I've never thought about that before, but they do taste better don't they?

**CoffeeKingJones: **That's because I make them myself :) Home-made is always best!

**TechyTosh: **Ahahahah! Yeah right Ianto!

**CoffeeKingJones: **No, I'm being serious! I make them myself!

**CaptainJackAttack: **Really?

**TechyTosh: **I didn't know you could cook?

**CoffeeKingJones: **Yes! I make them before I come into work, that way they don't have all the preservatives and e-numbers that shop biscuts have in them, and they sure as hell don't have masses of salt in them!

**TechyTosh: **You learn something new everyday!

**CaptainJackAttack: **Really though?

**CoffeeKingJones: **Yes Jack!

**TechyTosh: **But they looked so professional…so….from a packet!

**CaptainJackAttack: **Yeah, they did!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Yeah, and how do you think they were made before they went into the packet? Someone had to make them!

**TechyTosh: **He's got a point.

**CaptainJackAttack: **I've never seen you cook before, ill have to help you make them sometime!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Huh! No you wont! They'd be more on the floor and us than there would be in the oven! And the state of my kitchen afterwards! I can just picture it now…no way!

**TechyTosh: **Ahahaha! So true! They should re-name you Captain Chaotic!

**CaptainJackAttack: **Ha ha, Very funny…

**CoffeeKingJones: **Ooh that was practically dripping with sarcasm…in the future leave the witty retorts to me!

**TechyTosh: **Its probably for the best! At least Ianto makes up for his whit with Coffee and Biscuits!

**CaptainJackAttack: **Ahem BRIBE!

**CoffeeKingJones: **It's not a bribe if there was no verbal communication to induce it!

**TechyTosh: **Always the professional! I swear he could talk himself out of a prison cell!

**CaptainJackAttack: **Oh he would do something to get out, but it wouldn't be talking…hes got better uses for that mouth of his ;)

**CoffeeKingJones: **Now, now Jack. That was hardly professional now, was it?

**TechyTosh: **You two are as bad as each other! If one isn't chucking whit left right and centre, the other is sure to be dropping innuendos in every sentence!

**CaptainJackAttack: **Mmm, were a dynamic duo we are! Harkness and Jones, the trend setters!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Shouldn't it be Jones and Harkness, I do, do all the work you know!

**TechyTosh: **And you do it beautifully.

**CaptainJackAttack: **That's a thought, how do you do everything with such precision? I swear you've never done anything not-perfect in your life!

**CoffeeKingJones: **I just don't like things to be of a low standard is all…it bugs me if I don't do something to the best of my ability…

**CaptainJackAttack: **Huh! Everything is done to the best of your abilty! Even in the bedroom...that tounge!

w orniiin#iu 

**TechyTosh: **Jack? Ianto?

**CoffeeKingJones: **Sorry about that Tosh, someone had to teach him some manners.

**TechyTosh: **I don't want to know…

**CaptainJackAttack: **Oh believe me, you do…mmm

**CoffeeKingJones: **Jack are you going to behave yourself or am I gunna have to punish you again?

**CaptainJackAttack: **Mmm spank me?

**CoffeeKingJones: **No! You'd enjoy it too much!

**TechyTosh: **Ok guys…this conversation is getting waaaaaaaay out of hand!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Sorry Tosh, Jack can't help himself, he lives to be annoyingly inappropriate!

**CaptainJackAttack: **I don't see you complaining ;)

**CoffeeKingJones: **Oh I do, but it goes in one ear and out the other with you, I don't think you ever listen!

**TechyTosh: **Domestic Alert!

**CaptainJackAttack: **I do listen! Just not all the time!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Name one time that you've actually listened to a word I've said?

**CaptainJackAttack: **When you tell me to speak with UNIT even though you know I hate them!

**CoffeeKingJones: **That dosent count because its work related, and you would have to do it anyway…

**CaptainJackAttack: **N-uh-uh, I wouldn't. I'd refuse to!

**CoffeeKingJones: **And face the wrath of Corporal Commander Perrette! I don't think so!

**CaptainJackAttack: **He's quite a catch!

**CoffeeKingJones:**You've never even seen him! You've only heard his voice!

**CaptainJackAttack: **It's a catchy voice!

**CoffeeKingJones:**Well I've seen him and he's a total wanka. Enough said.

**CaptainJackAttack: **When have you seen him? And why weren't I there?

**CoffeeKingJones: **That day you were being particularly stubborn and refused to even speak to the Corperal, and when he called for the eight time you decided to insult him for half an hour. He was going to nuke us Jack! I have no idea how on earth you swung that one! I had to go down there and make peace!

**CaptainJackAttack: **With all those me in uniform?

**CoffeeKingJones: **Yes Jack.

**CaptainJackAttack: **Bet you were tempted weren't you? But you thought, no, I have the sexiest man in the world in a man-hole at home, so better not!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Actually I was just in fear of my coffee machine…sides, none of them were as appealing anyway…

**CaptainJackAttack: **None of them are nearly as hot and you in a red-cap so I won't be straying anytime soon…mmm…why do you look so good in red?

**TechyTosh:** Okkkaaaay guys! I'm gunna love you and leave you, I really wanna get this analysis done, so ill speak to you in an hour, I'll call if there's any problems! :)

**CaptainJackAttack: **Bye Tosh! Ianto says bye too!

**CoffeeKingJones: **I was just about to say that Jack!

**CaptainJackAttack: **Well now you don't have to ;)

**CoffeeKingJones: **Riiiiight! Byyye Toshiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!

**TechyTosh: **Bye Jack, Bye YANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNY!

**TechyTosh** is _offline._

**CaptainJackAttack: **Whats with the 'Toshiiiii' and 'Yanny'?

**CoffeeKingJones: **It's our nicknames for each other!

**CaptainJackAttack: **How come we don't have nicknames?

**CoffeeKingJones: **We do, we have terms of endearment!

**CaptainJackAttack: **Mmm, I swear I had a name for you once…

**CoffeeKingJones: **Yeah you did and I refused to let you call me it!

**CaptainJackAttack: **Oh come on! It wasn't that bad!

**CoffeeKingJones: **Huh! I think Yanny-kins and Sex Kitten weren't really work-place names now are they Jack?

**CaptainJackAttack: **What about Sex on legs?

**CoffeeKingJones: **No.

**CaptainJackAttack: **Sex Pot?

**CoffeeKingJones: **No. Are there any that don't involve the term 'sex'?

**CaptainJackAttack: **Baby, Honey, Sweetie?

**CoffeeKingJones: **There all terms of endearment Jack, we've already covered those!

**CaptainJackAttack: **Oh yeah…

**CoffeeKingJones: **My point exactly! Is there any reason why were still talking to each other even though were sitting right next to each other?

**CaptainJackAttack: **I dunno, you tell me handsome ;)

**CoffeeKingJones:**Remove your hand from my leg if you value your manhood!

**CaptainJackAttack: **Mmmm I like the way you think Jones, Ianto Jones!

**CoffeeKingJones:**Stop typing and kiss me!

**CaptainJackAttack: **I don't need telling twice!

**CoffeeKingJones:**w/dffskkkk::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;;;;;;;'hQ |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||.'kkkkkkkkkkkRIOIOg;35yp[U^UUUUUUUUUU67ljk,

**CaptainJackAttack **_is offline._

**CoffeeKingJones **_is offline._


End file.
